Be Prepared
by Do a Barrel Roll
Summary: Angry at being put through garbage in Fanfiction, Sephiroth plots to kill one of his least favorite authors and maybe one or two other people with the help of his Remnants. Oh yes, Sephiroth is prepared. Song parody of "Be Prepared" from The Lion King.


**If you've read Craziness, Candy, Jedi Knights, and WHAT!, you'll know that i put Sephiroth through a lot of crap the past couple chapters. Now it's his turn to plot revenge, along with the Remnants!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Final Fantasy VII, The Lion King, Kingdom Hearts, Nomura, or N*Sync.**

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><p><strong>Be Prepared<strong>

"That lousy Wolf," Kadaj groaned as he and his brothers sat down in the Forgotten City. "I won't be able to show my face for a week!" Yazoo started chuckling uncontrollably. "It's not _funny, _Yazoo."

That's when Yazoo's laughter turned into insane hysterics.

"Shut up!" Kadaj moaned in annoyance, shoving Yazoo.

"Yeah, Brother, knock it off!" Loz said from his position on a rock. "Look at us! You'd think that we'd be important to the fandom, but NO, we just have to sit here until someone realizes we exist."

"If it weren't for those authors, we'd be in control of this entire website!" Kadaj sighed as he traced patterns into the dirt with a stick.

"I HATE authors!" Loz cried before tears trickled down.

"They're stupid," said Yazoo to cheer him up, sharing his grief.

"And mangy," Loz added, sniffing.

"Creepy."

"And dang, they're FUGLY!" they both said simultaneously. They both burst into cackles.

"I couldn't agree with you more," someone new murmured darkly.

"Hey, it's Big Brother!" Kadaj, Yazoo, and Loz waved to Sephiroth in gretting from his perch on top of a large boulder.

"For a second there, I thought you were that Wolf," Kadaj said.

"Now that's one creepy author," Yazoo said with fear. "She even made Big Brother cross dress and have a Mary Sue harem."

"I know!" Kadaj exclaimed with fright. "She also made him get fat and sing N*Sync songs! We're probably next! She makes me shudder!"

Sephiroth facepalmed. "I can't believe you three."

Kadaj gave him an incredulous look. "What are we supposed to do? Kill Wolf?"

Sephiroth's smile twisted into a feral grin. _"Precisely."_

Sephiroth hopped off his rock and came gracefully to the ground. Ominous chanting erupted in the background as black water sprung from the ground.

_"I know that your powers of retention_

_Are as wet as Barret's backside_

_But thick as you are, pay attention_

_My words are a matter of pride_

_It's clear from your vacant expressions_

_The lights are not all on upstairs_

_But we're talking authors and obsessions_

_Even you can't be caught unawares_

_So prepare for a chance of a lifetime_

_Be prepared for sensational news_

_A shining new era_

_Is tiptoeing nearer!"_

"And where do we feature?" Kadaj asked.

_"Just listen to teacher_

_I know it sounds sordid_

_But you'll be rewarded_

_When at last I am given my dues_

_And injustice deliciously squared_

_Be prepared!_

"Yeah, Be prepared!" Loz exclaimed excitedly. "Yeah-heh... we'll be prepared, heh...For what?"

"For the death of the author!" Sephiroth exclaimed with sick glee.

"Why? Is she sick?" Loz questioned with not a trace of worry.

"No, fool - we're going to kill her! And Tetsuya Nomura too!" Sephiroth rubbed his hands together as he plotted.

"Great idea! Who needs an author?" Kadaj said. Him and Loz sang together, "No author! No author! La-la-la-la-laa-laa!"

"Idiots!" Sephiroth hissed. "There will be an author!"

Yazoo began, "Hey, but you said, uh..."

Sephiroth cut him off. "I will be author! ...Stick with me, and you'll never be written out of character again!"

"Yay!" the Remnants cheered. "All right! Long live the author!"

"Long live the author! Long live the author!" a myriad of other villains from the Final Fantasy series cheered. They sang, too.

_"It's great that we'll soon be connected._

_With an author who'll be all-time adored."_

Sephiroth took over once more. _"Of course, quid pro quo, you're expected_

_To take certain duties on board." _He mimed slitting his throat to demonstrate what he was planning.

_"The future is littered with prizes_

_And though I'm the main addressee_

_The point that I must emphasize is_

_You won't get a sniff without me!" _Startled by Sephiroth's sudden movement towards him, Yazoo fell into a pool of murky black waters.

_So prepare for the coup of the century_

_Be prepared for the murkiest scam_

_Meticulous planning_

_Tenacity spanning_

_Decades of denialIs simply why I'llBe author undisputedRespected, salutedAnd seen for the wonder I amYes, my teeth and ambitions are baredBe prepared!_

Everyone chanted together:

_"Yes, our teeth and ambitions are bared_

_BE PREPARED!"_


End file.
